June 30, 2005 at 10:14 PM | Good Times, KCMO, Site/Personal, Work | No Comments

Last Tuesday, a big group of kids from my Compass group met up at this bar in Westport called Harpo’s to hang out. They have a special on Tuesdays where you can get 25 cent draws… of Natty Light, quite possibly one of the most terrible beers of all time. On the cheap end of the beer spectrum, you’ve got beers like Keystone, Old Style, and of course Natty. Now, I won’t dog on Natty too much… me and Natty have a sort of a history, but I won’t get into that. The point is, they were selling cheap beer for a price so low that it was still a good deal. Good deals taken in mass quantity equals great times. That’s a little introduction to the discipline known as Beer Mathematics.

One of the most interesting points in the night was right when we arrived at the bar and of course, I routinely pulled out my driver’s license to show them that yes, I was indeed 21+ years old. Now, if you’ve ever seen my driver’s license, you will know that I really don’t look like I did back when the photo was taken. In that photo, I was wearing glasses and I had just shaved my head. And it was like 3 years ago. Just from past experience, I know that people will often feel the need to give me the “double take” where they look back and forth between my ID and me at least twice, and then hesitantly return it back to me, not really sure if I was who I claimed to be. It’s happened at bars with my license; it’s happened at airports with my passport (for which was I was coincidentally photographed for around the same time as my driver’s license). I don’t blame these people, I can see where they’re coming from…

But I had something happen to me that night that took the whole thing to the next level. I hand the guy at the door my license and he did not believe that was me in that picture. So he pulled me aside, and let everyone else that was with get their ID’s checked, cover paid, and wristband distributed. The guy hands my license to this big bald guy standing a couple feet back in the corner. He says something to the bald guy, who proceeds to analyze my license under some kind of magnifying glass/flashlight combination tool. The big bald guy didn’t think I was the guy in the picture either.

At this point, I was just afraid that they would confiscate my driver’s license or cut it up or whatever they do to the licenses of kids who try to sneak into bars under the guise of a friend or relative.

“No that’s me, I’ve got other forms of ID on me…”

“Doesn’t matter.”

He clamps my license on a clipboard and hands me a notepad and pen and instructs me to sign my name “exactly as it appears” on my driver’s license. The page that I was going to be signing on had two other signatures on it. It seemed like a pretty common procedure around Harpo’s. I was like “OK.” I was confident that I knew how to sign my own name, but I’ve noticed that signatures evolve over time. Mine has, anyways. I don’t know about yours.

So I signed it like I do and the bald guy compares it to the signature on my driver’s license using the forementioned magnifying glass and after giving my signature the double take, he finally says, “well, I guess it looks similar enough.”

I was like “OK, thanks… I guess,” all sarcastic as I return my license to my wallet. They were treating me as if they had just let some 18 year old slip through the cracks of their security, trying to get by with a borrowed/stolen ID. I rolled my eye and got my wristband, a little irked that I had to jump through all these obstacles to drink some Natty, when I never once had to prove myself at bars, never once had to prove myself to the people working at various airports in numerous countries. Just who the fuck do these people at Harpo’s think they are?

So anyways, there were a bunch of us out back, occupying like 3 tables pushed together. It wasn’t just my Compass group there obviously because Sam and Chris also came. Micheala brought her friend from that other night. Amanda’s friend Natalie showed up at some point. Summer brought some of her friends and I am pretty sure there were people there that night that I didn’t even get a chance to meet. Great times.

That was the same night that Sam and I ran into Jenny back at the apartment and the L Word was dropped. But that’s another story.

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