Dentist Billing Shenanigans

January 22, 2010 at 9:15 AM | Random | No Comments

Dentist office: “You owe us $x, and you are 90 days overdue on payment! Pay up!”
Me: “Huh? For what?”
Dentist office: “Lemme see… wait, this computer just booted me off. Let me try this other one… all of these computers have been acting up. OK, let me see… Wup, just kidding, you don’t owe anything. Thanks! :)”
Me: “Thanks…”

Turnpike Toll Becomes An Inside Joke

December 26, 2009 at 2:32 PM | Random, Wichita | No Comments

As I took the exit for Kellogg on my way back to Wichita from Kansas City, I was pleasantly surprised to see the price appear on the 7 segment displays: $4.00. And then the lady in the booth says it aloud, “Four dollars,” in little to no inflection in her voice. “Ya dig…”, I whispered under my breath with a wide grin and hand her my credit card.

Side note: I love paying tolls with a credit card. I only found out that you could do this maybe 7 or 8 years ago when I was caught without change on the turnpike. The credit card was my plea of desperation–turns out it was universally accepted on the KTA. You don’t get to do that everywhere, though.

Practically The Same Person

November 27, 2007 at 3:12 PM | Random | No Comments

I commonly mistake these three famous people:

  • Orson Welles
  • George Orwell
  • Orville Redenbacher

Needless to say, this has caused some amount of confusion/embarrassment/amusement in the past. Especially when Orville Redenbacher is involved.

The Tilde

November 1, 2007 at 9:47 AM | Random | No Comments

I was just thinking today how the tilde character (~) is probably the dirtiest character on the standard keyboard. It’s like you tack it onto an otherwise innocent “heeey” and it becomes “heeey~” this tone fluctuating, dirty little word.

Prototypical

January 26, 2007 at 1:19 AM | Random | No Comments

I heard someone use the word “prototypical” on the radio this morning. I don’t remember what they were talking about, but the conversation caught my attention when someone dropped that word. “Whooa, is that even a word?”, I thought to myself. It has kind of the same vibe as the clearly made-up word “misunderestimated.” People often make fun of Bush for saying that, but I think it’s actually a pretty cool word he came up with. And imagine… who exactly was he claiming did the dreaded deed of misunderestimating something? They must have been totally clueless! To have both misunderstood and underestimated something! I looked up “prototypical” on some online dictionaries and yes, it is indeed a real word. Pity.

This Is How Rumors Get Started

January 15, 2007 at 10:15 PM | Random | No Comments

I didn’t read the article, but the other day, I saw a headline under one of my news feeds on my Google home page that said something to the effect of Hussein’s half brother being hanged.  I was like “Damn, he’s not even actually related to the guy and they still hung him!”  I probably should have read the article to find out exactly what happened.  Maybe the guy had it coming, I don’t know.  Maybe he didn’t.  I then proceeded to read some other articles.

Taking Back Saturday

December 10, 2006 at 1:55 AM | Nostalgia, Random, TV | No Comments

So we were sitting around talking about the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie coming out next year and it got me thinking… does Saturday morning still mean anything to kids these days? With television nowadays, you can pretty much watch cartoons at any time of the week, 7 days a week. But back in the day, Saturday used to be the day for cartoons. Now… is it even anything special?

But I guess the special part about Saturday had less to do with cartoons and more to do with the fact that there was no school.  And in a very similar way, Saturday is still special to me.

What’s The Deal With Milk?

November 4, 2006 at 5:47 AM | Food, Random | No Comments

Why do people drink it?  Adult humans drinking the milk of cow.  Why?  Is it a scam put on by the milk industry?  And who started that industry… I mean the first person to sit down and go “I’m thirsty, hey let’s go get that cow’s milk!”??

What Happened That Day So Long Ago

August 19, 2006 at 12:58 AM | Random | No Comments

So I ended up telling this girl that my name was Jon Kit tonight – it’s been a while since I’ve done that.  I should do that more often, methinks.

Rubber Ducky, You’re The One

July 8, 2006 at 3:47 PM | Food, Random, Site/Personal | 2 Comments

The Green DuckAll I could think about was getting a head of lettuce. The salad that I would make with it would be amazing. I’d cut some mushroom slices in it, some carrots, tomatoes, banana pepper slices, sprinkle a little shredded cheese on it, shake some coarse-ground black pepper in it. Some of that zesty Italian dressing. Amazing.

It was a different story when I got to Wal-Mart, though. I went straight to the vegetable section, looking for the lettuce. I walked up and down that aisle maybe 2, maybe 3 times. Where was it? They’d been known to move stuff around their vegetable aisle before, so I suspected something similar had happened here. But it was simply nowhere to be found. I finally gave up and got ahold of the nearest Wal-Mart employee.

“Um… excuse me, this may sound a little strange, but I can’t seem to be able to find the lettuce. I mean, am I missing something here, where’s the lettuce at?”

“We’re out of lettuce.”

“Ooooh good, because I thought that I might’ve been going crazy. Thanks.” And I stepped away.

I wasn’t the one going crazy–it was Wal-Mart that was going crazy. Wal-Mart, the biggest retailer in the world, was out of lettuce. Who lets their store run out of a staple food item like lettuce just run out? It’s so ridiculous, I’m not even going to try to come up with anything to compare it with. Oh wait, something just came to mind. It’s like that time I went to Chipotle and they were out of rice. Oh yeah, you’d better believe it. It’s like that, only about 10 times worse.

The one item that I really wanted to buy was out. This caught me so off guard that I wasn’t able to finish my grocery shopping with any sort of focus. I had no idea what I was going to buy or what to make with the things that I would buy. I just bought a bunch of random things. Things that I never buy.

Like I threw this stalk of celery into the cart. I don’t even like celery. And then I picked up a cheap bottle of hot sauce that claimed on the bottle that it was “muy salsa.” I asked Albert (who’d taken Spanish for the better part of his life) what that meant, since I was under the impression that salsa was a noun. He didn’t know. “Eh, whatever,” and I put it in the cart. I bought a can of chickpeas. I don’t even know what chickpeas are… I just seen Rachael Ray using them to make some kind of a stuffed cucumber one time and it looked like a lot of fun.

At some point, I came across this green rubber duck sitting on top of some boxes near the juice section. I put it in the cart because it was all cute and abandoned looking, clearly in a place that it did not belong. Just how did it get there? I imagined a small girl, riding in a shopping cart, somehow snagging this duck off of a shelf while her parents were looking at something else. It wasn’t until this child’s oblivious parents were near the juice section, all the way across the store, that they realized that little Suzy had possession of a green rubber duck, at which point the duck was promptly ripped from her grasp and placed atop of some random boxes. Little Suzy cried and cried. And now I had the very same duck riding around in my cart.

And then I went back by the produce aisle to pick up some kind of a lettuce substitute. I was determined to have that salad one way or another. This is when I came across some packages of “green leaf lettuce.” At this stage in my life, I’ve really only dealt with iceberg lettuce, so I was a little skeptical at first, but I bought one anyway. But now that I’ve had it, I don’t think I can go back. Iceberg still has its uses, though.

And I bought some unlabeled peppers from the produce shelves. It’s always a gamble buying produce that is “obscure” enough to be unlabeled. Now, I knew that I was buying banana peppers and serrano peppers, but more often than not, the people working the registers are clueless. They rang both of them up as jalapeños. I was thinking “yesssssss” because jalapeños are about a dollar cheaper per pound. Suckers.

Also, I thought the green duck was kind of a gamble too. I had no idea how much it was going to cost or if it was even in the system. I was really hoping that when they ran the duck’s UPC across their scanner that there would be some kind of a negative-sounding sound and an error message on the display. And then they’d be like “whoa this isn’t even in our system… here just take it.” And then the moment of truth came… the cashier picked up the duck, waved it over the scanner and the standard “booop” came out and 1 “Infant Toy” was instantly added to my bill. It was 97 cents.


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